Five Minutes of Your Life You'll Never Get Back

but they're funny and as offcolor as you will ever see me, I promise.

Sent by one of my local friends who knows the offline Ann only too well.


*NEW WORDS FOR 2006:*

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace
(and elsewhere).

1. *BLAMESTORMING*: Sitting around in a group,
discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed, and who
was responsible.

2. *SEAGULL MANAGER*: A manager, who flies in,
makes a lot of noise,
craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. *ASSMOSIS*: The process by which some people
seem to absorb
success and advancement by kissing up to the boss
rather than
working hard.

4. *SALMON DAY*: The experience of spending an
entire day swimming
upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. *CUBE FARM*: An office filled with cubicles.

6. *PRAIRIE DOGGING*: When someone yells or drops
something loudly
in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the
walls to see
what's going on.

7. *MOUSE POTATO*: The on-line, wired generation's
answer to the
couch potato.

8. *SITCOMs*: Single Income, Two Children,
Oppressive Mortgage. What
Yuppies turn into when they have children and one
of them stops
working to stay home with the kids.

9. *STRESS PUPPY*: A person who seems to thrive on
being stressed
out and whiny.

10. *SWIPEOUT*: An ATM or credit card that has
been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from
extensive use.

11. *XEROX SUBSIDY*: Euphemism for swiping free
photocopies from
one's workplace.

12. *IRRITAINMENT*: Entertainment and media
spectacles that are
Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop
watching them. The
J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example
- Michael Jackson,
another...

13. *PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE*: The fine art of
whacking the crap(!)
out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. *ADMINISPHERE*: The rarefied organizational
layers beginning
just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall
from the
adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or
irrelevant to the
problems they were designed to solve.

15. *404*: Someone who's clueless. From the World
Wide Web error
Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the
requested site could not
be located.

16. *GENERICA*: Features of the American landscape
that are exactly
the same no matter where one is, such as fast food
joints, strip
malls, and subdivisions.

17. *OHNOSECOND*: That minuscule fraction of time
in which you
realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like
after hitting
send on an email by mistake)

18. *WOOFS*: Well-Off Older Folks.

19. *CROP DUSTING*: Surreptitiously passing gas
while passing
through a Cube Farm.