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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Cats and Other Things

My friend Merle's (see hidden blogroll) post today (or possibly tomorrow - she's in Australia so today may be tomorrow - oh never mind) asked us to wish her friend Nick a Happy Birthday. Of course I did and discovered another wonderful blog to add to my list.Nic

Nick is Sometimes Saintly Nick. He lives in Louisville, KY with his cat Alex. He has obviously had years of experience dealing with the behavior, or lack thereof, of cats.

Here's what he said a couple of days ago. I can identify and add a few of my own.

In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. Fill in the blanks:

1. [xxx] is not food.
Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human's homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom's toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat's vomited food.

2. I will not jump on the [xxx].
kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human's full bladder at 5:30 A.M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night.

3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx].
sofa, carpet, drapes, my human's leg, my human's boss's leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires.

4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx].
floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human's tax return, the tax auditor, TV, baby's mattress, kitchen counter, dining room table, big people's shoes, bathtub, my Dad's collection of (expensive) Nazi daggers, marble floor (acid vomit+marble=etched marble).

5. I will not climb the [xxx].
Screen, bulletin board, speaker, curtains, redwood trees, walls, lampposts.

6. I will not dunk [xxx] into my water dish.
Tissues, my toy mouse, the house plants, half-digested food

7. I will not hide [xxx].
Pens, curlers, or house keys under the carpet.

8. I recognize that the [xxx] has a right to exist.
Belt, fringe on the bathroom rug, fuzzy toilet seat, house plant, human's toes, baby, human, blue jays outside, teddy bear

9. [xxx] is not cat food.
Chocolate, bananas, pizza, any human food, tea

10. [xxx] is not a bed.
The stove, the pot (not hot) on the stove, sink, the crystal bowl from the people's wedding, piano strings, Mommy's sock drawer, the inside of the antique radio, the car, the electric organ, the computer keyboard.

11. [xxx] is not prey/a toy.
The paper coming from the printer; the newspaper; Mummy; open milk cartons; toilet paper; pantyhose; paper clips; human's toes; my human's penis (see "Robin Williams, Live at the Met"); Christmas tree ornaments; the produce ripening on the kitchen counter; Q-tips; Black Widow spiders; any food, whether wrapped in something or not; the sheets; the computer mouse; Mommy's snow white lace garter from her wedding with the beautiful tasty maribou feathers on it;

12. I will not try to climb into the [xxx].
Freezer, refrigerator, washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, garage.


Kentucky Gal said...

Gotta love us some kitty kitties!!

MaryP said...

Wow. I had no idea he'd met my cat!

I have only one quibble. Number 8. Are you sure fuzzy toilet seats have a right to exist? Positive?

Atasha said...

I had cats once upon a time. But it got a little out of hand. I was single then. I couldn't turn away the strays that would show up at the door. I'd feed them outside but then as you know they'd keep coming back. Eventually they'd end up inside, permanently. It was getting costly! Then one day I grew allergic to the things and they all had to go. There were other reasons to but I won't bore you with my long boring story.

lushgurl said...

ROFLAO...I am going to have to print this up (re-phrase to ATTEMPT to) and dunk my kitties' paws in ink to verify they have read and agree to the terms!!!
Of course both Trampcat and Toughguy will probably have their tails entwined behind MY back rendering the Paw-signing invalid!!!

tAnYeTTa said...

granny! i love love love the pic of the girls on your blogpage. toooo cute. :)

mreddie said...

I check in on Nick on a fairly regular basis - That Alex is one weird animal. ec

d. chedwick bryant said...

interesting post.

Caloden said...

Too cute, I love the cat angle. I am going to go check him out.

Great picture of the girls!

Missy said...

Ha true!

I like the new look, Ann! Easier to read, too!

I hope you guys are all hanging in there. I'm stuck at home with a multitude of bugs (strep, mostly, which you mentioned in an earlier post as scarlet's making the rounds).

Peace be with you!

Andie D. said...

I really like the pic of the girls - shows their personalities.

Angela ROCKS! What a friend! You have the biggest blogroll on the internet!

I had a cat once who had a "thing" for any pencil shaped objects. Really, pencils, pens, markers, eyeliner, mascara, and.... tampons. She's carry them around the house in her mouth and then HIDE them. It drove us NUTS! She eventually grew out of it thankfully.

Margaret said...

I can relate to all of the above as far as cats are concerned.
Cheers and hugs Margaret

Puss-in-Boots said...

Glad you've met Nick. He and Alex are quite a pair!

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Gina said...

Great pic of the girls!

This was funny! Hope you are so far having a good weekend. Is it as hot there as it is here?

Janice said...

Hi Ann,

New color on your blog? Or is it new and improved?

I loved the list.

I noticed that human toes kept croping up a lot on your list for the cats, is that a problem?


Merle said...

Hi Ann ~~ Glad you decided to add Nick to your list. He has had a rough time lately, but writes some great stuff. Hope you and the family are all well, or as well as can be in Carol's case. It has been very hot here again. My friend Jeanette lives
about an hour and a half from me and
she said they had 40 C today, not much less here.That's 104 F. Take care, Love, Merle.

PI said...

Happy Sunday Granny! Am I right in thinking Merle is Peter's sister? Or a meringue?
Sorry - that's a Scottish joKe - 'Am I wrong?'
It's Silly Sunday!