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Thursday, May 17, 2007

We're Doing Okay

I've been tired and a little fuzzy the past few days. I'd sit down and try to write something and forget everything I wanted to say.

It's early Thursday morning, Elcie is home and the other two are in school. She had a very restless night complete with bad dreams. I think she finally fell asleep around 4:30. I called her name a couple of times and then let her sleep. The school year is winding town, tests are completed, and she won't miss much.

She's having a rough time dealing with her Grandma Carol's death. Rebecca and Rochelle are doing better. They're sad but they talk about her and what happened. Elcie clams up, keeps everything inside, and then explodes in misdirected anger. Usually at me. The school counselor is talking to her and she'll soon have summer vacation and her arts and crafts summer school. I'll give her a little time and if it doesn't get better, try to find our own grief counselor for her.

I made what I hope was my only trip to the funeral home with my friend Dawn to sign papers and pick up Carol's ashes. We still haven't decided what we'll do with them but there's no hurry. Meantime, they're in a safe place. The girls haven't asked about them lately; when they do, I'll deal with it.

Meantime, life goes on. I still have to go through Carol's things. Maybe this weekend or early next week. My energy level is better, I'm back to actual cooking now, and I get through most days without lying back down. But I look at those boxes and bags we brought back home and put it off one more day.

Tonight is open house at the middle school for all 3 girls. It will be the last one for Elcie who will start high school in the fall.

I just had to go back to my last post and read what I'd said. Told you I was fuzzy.

Older son Jim arrived yesterday. He may have 3 days; he may have almost a week. Somehow the leave schedule at the National Guard became confused (SNAFU?). By now, he'll finally know for sure. I saw his motorcycle parked next to Tim's bike yesterday morning at Barnes & Noble, walked in and hit him on his shaved head with a magazine for not calling me. (He's a 200 pound Army sergeant - hitting him on his hard head didn't cause permanent brain damage). Also made him buy me my cold drink. His brother was almost rolling on the floor laughing at the two of us.
Jim's doing fine but he didn't get here until 3:00 a.m. Just dozed off and a bunch of police cars went by his house, sirens screaming and lights flashing. They must have been taking a shortcut; he's on a quiet street. He fell back asleep a little after 4:00 a.m. to be awakened by Jonathan shortly after 5. No wonder he forgot to call me. I just checked the mileage between El Centro and Merced. 400+ miles on a Harley is a long trip and I fret every time he sets out. That's probably why he never lets me know exactly when he's leaving. Of course that means I fret for a couple of days instead of 8 or 10 hours. As far as I know, they're still planning on moving to Yuma, AZ sometime this summer. His Guard assignment sounds long term and it's so difficult to have his family this far away. Yuma is only 45 miles from El Centro and he likes Arizona. So do I.

Oh, Jonathan turned one year old yesterday so at least Jim made it home for the birthday if he didn't sleep through it.

I told him Yuma has huge flying beetles and cockroaches (they fly too) as well as scorpions and rattlesnakes. He was not deterred. I remember living in Phoenix and shaking out my shoes every morning and my first sight of those flying critters. All harmless but not something I want buzzing around the house. On the other hand, I loved Phoenix for the year or so I was there and he'll probably like Yuma.

And now I'd better get busy being useful.

Thanks to all for your kindness. Several of you came over from Parent Dish (Blogging Baby) and other sites. I had no way to respond directly.

Have a good weekend if I don't get back here tomorrow and take care everyone.


Bebe said...

Hi Ann,
It's been a while. I'm so sorry about your daughter Carol and am sending thoughts of peace and love for you and your family. BB

Diane J. said...

Hi, Ann. Let's see if Demon Blogger eats this comment. ;D

I'm glad you're doing okay. Okay is good, acceptable.

Hope you get to have a good visit with Jim before he has to leave out.

Maybe you could take Elcie out for some one on one time and get her to talk. Just a thought...

Love and hugs,


JUST A MOM said...

You hang in there and do just want you want and no more. Arizona is not all it is cracked up to be. We have been here 21 years now and I hate it more every year. I so miss Michigan(home). So you jsut relax and enjoy the things you can.

Susie said...

Enjoy your time with Jim. I worry too when I know my kids on the road.
Can't help myself.
Happy Birthday to little Jonathan!
Glad you're doing "OK" As I'm sure you know, grief has no timetable..

Midori said...

Enjoy your time with your son. The mental picture of you whacking him over the head for not caling you made me giggle.

I am glad you are coping ok. I am amazed by your strength.

Thanks for the comment on my blog the other day, I appreciated it.

"Early Bird" said...

I wish I could come over and make you a meal during this time...I know you have to be worn out!
Love & Hugs to you and yours!!

Penless Thoughts said...

Tackle those bags one at a time. I've found just "starting" is the hardest part. Thanks for the up date.

PEA said...

I'm glad you posted Ann, to let us know how you were doing. You'll know when it's the right time to go through Carol's things...there's no rush. Elcie is handling her grief in her own way...I wouldn't worry too much about it unless it dragged on for a long while. Hope you get to spend lots of time with Jim:-) xo

Gina said...

I am glad that you are doing ok, but I hope that Elcie starts working through her feelings in a more productive way.


Merle said...

Dear Ann ~~ Good to see a post from you and I am glad you seem to be coping OK and the younger girls are
too. Sorry poor Elcie s having a hard time, but she will be OK. It takes time and we all cope differently and taking our own time to come good.
I could only see the squares too n the top post. Hope Ray is OK too and hope you had some time with
Jim. Happy birthday to Jonothon.
Look after yourself Ann, Much love, Merle.

Gwen said...

Hi Ann.
Just called in to see how thing are
going for you,Jim's visit will be a tonic for you.
P.S.Sorry you couldn't open email
I may try and send again another way and see if it works.
Stay strong Ann.xx

Misspudding said...

So sorry I haven't posted here lately. I've been too self-consumed.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, obviously. I hope you guys are doing all right. I'm sure it's very hard on the girls.

Good luck with everything and thanks for staying in touch, even when things have been tough. :(