Hi L. (anybody who wonders where this post is coming from, read L.'s last comment)
I don't think about that guy too much anymore. He lived with a woman and her two children right in the duplex behind our house. It was a large single lot - the owner built the duplex behind. He was always a little strange and eventually the woman and her kids moved. He stayed. He got more hostile toward the girls who were really little then. I told them they couldn't play in the back because they would disturb him. I knew he was peculiar and I wished he would move but still I never thought ... Eventually he was evicted and I thought no more about him.
The murder made the news nationwide. We had heard about the killings of course but the first I heard about my former neighbor was when a New York paper called my daughter while I was out. When she told me I thought I would shake to pieces. It could have been my girls. He had been living in a field out by the family's home and went into their home with some kind of farm implement (not a pitchfork, something else) while the parents were gone. It's been a while but I think he killed two of the children; another one (the oldest I think) managed to get across the road and call the police.
He went after the police with the same weapon and they killed him. L., I'm sure you know this much from the paper.
I decided after the NY paper called, I would rather talk to the media as they arrived with as calm a presence as I could muster than have them print whatever they wanted. The only condition was no interviews or pictures of the girls. We had press from as far away as Germany. My brother called from New York. My mom sent me a clipping from the Albany paper; I'm not sure why she thought I would want it. It may have been one of the worst days of my life. I was so scared even though by the time I knew who it was, he had been dead for hours. I just kept going over the "what if's". What if I hadn't insisted the girls not bug the guy. What if he had gone off the rails while he still lived behind us. I'm sorry this sounds so dramatic but it was just so awful; first for the family who lost their kids in that way and then for us because it hit so close to home.
The girls, of course, were upset even though they were so little. No way I could keep it a secret so I just kept telling them they were safe. Over and over and over.
The family is old fashioned and extremely religious and I'm sure it got them through this. I met them at their church at what I guess you would call a "viewing". I don't even know for sure why I went but Elcie wanted to tell them she was sorry and it seemed to be the right thing to do.
They've gone on to have more kids and I hope they've found some peace. I've moved on as well. I felt a lot of guilt when it first happened. Reasonably, I knew I couldn't have predicted a maniac's actions but still the committees in my head kept telling me I should have noticed something. I'd shut them up and then back they came. We were safe, I knew that, but what did I miss that might have saved that family? I know now there was absolutely nothing I could have done. He was a grouch and recluse who became more grouchy and reclusive and then moved. That's all. Sometimes though when I think about it it's still "it could have been the girls" and "was there something there that I missed". I push those thoughts back very quickly.
This is the first time I've ever written any of this down. Maybe it's a good thing you mentioned it. I hope this isn't too jumbled. I'm not going to go back and edit. I'm going to hit publish while I still have the nerve.
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4 comments:
That is so... awful.
My own close call story: I used to have a late-night radion show on our college station. Instead of walking back to my dorm in the dead of night, I used to call campus security for a ride. I remember once telling the security guard how grateful I was for this service, and he said I needed to be careful -- he said a 14-year old girl had just been raped in the next town over.
The security guard was later arrested and convicted for the rape he told me about. I remember thinking about all the times I had been alone with him in a car, in a rural college town, in the middle of the night.....
You just never know.
Oh my God. It bears up what I've said (at least sort of). There's no point wrapping your kids in cotton batting to keep them safe. You thought you were secure; I would have as well. I kept my kids in my yard - safest place in the world right? We do the best we can and just hope or pray, whatever is our thing.
I googled myself - amazing. As far as I got, I know which ones are me. Except for this, it's the political stuff - a letter to an IL newspaper blasting some fool about the Pledge, A Cindy Sheehan vigil, and
I think maybe 3 letters to the Sun-Star. Some of my blog comments to others - that surprised me. There might be something else - I didn't look through all 324. I was just curious about the murder article and how I managed to get my name onto Google. The one I found was Fresno Bee but believe me there were a lot of others.
http://www.rense.com/general3/killing.htm
I think that's it in case anyone wants to revisit it. It's more detailed of course. If it bleeds, it leads.
Granny, egads! How terrible for you! I can empathize with your feelings about your little ones. I've had some close brushes with a psycho myself so can really relate. There was NOTHING you could have done. It's not illegal to be a crazy old grouch so not even the police could have done anything until he committed a crime. I know from experience.
On another note, believe me I'm not criticizing, a computer dummy like me cannot! I like your sidebar but it is a trifle big...covers up part of your text. I'm sure you know that. I've wanted to do something with some of my blogs but am scared to touch it. At least you have the nerve to try. Good for you. Go, granny, go!!
Writing helps me deal with things that I have trouble with otherwise - I hope it works like that for you, especially with this experience.
I don't know if there was anything that you could have done. If there was, I can't see it. I too would have been stricken by what could have happened.
It is hard not to be overprotective. I struggle hard because my daughter wants to go out into the world on her own. When she was 10, it was "just drop me off at the mall by myself so I can do my xmas shopping!". For her 12th birthday, very fast approaching - she has asked for a bus pass and a transit map and the opportunity to travel the city - by herself.
She is going to get those things and a cell phone, and I'm going to have a hard day till she is home again.
Sometimes having an active imagination is not a blessing.
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