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Monday, July 10, 2006

Honest, I'm Just Kidding

I just told a friend that when I've had an unusually dull day, I'd cheat and post a meme, pics, a recipe or two, or a joke.

This has been one of those days - a reprise of yesterday and no baseball to break the ennui.

Tomorrow the All Star game.

All is well. We're just hot, tired, and slightly cranky. We'll have four days of Vacation Bible School at the church which will at least take care of the morning.

More tomorrow.

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If I didn't live in one of these states so I could make fun of myself I wouldn't post this.

A Mercedes? Rented or otherwise? Not in this part of California and certainly not in front of my house.

From my former neighbor once again.

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> Retirement Choices
>
> You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....
> 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
> 2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the
> toilet bowl.
> 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
> 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
> 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face
> when you open your oven door.
> 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
> ME??!!
>
> You can Live in California where...
> 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
> 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
> 3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
> 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
> 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
> will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
>
> You can Live in New York City where...
> 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
> 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
> Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
> 3. You think Central Park is "nature."
> 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
> makes you multi-lingual.
> 5. You've worn out a car horn.
> 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
>
> You can Live in Maine where...
> 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
> 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
> 3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
> 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
> 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
> construction.
>
> You can Live in Texas where...
> 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
> 2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
> 3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense
> 5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob! , Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
> Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
>
> You can live in Colorado where...
> 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
> 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops
> at the day care center.
> 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
> 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
>
> You can live in the Midwest where...
> 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
> 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
> 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
> 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
> 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic pl ace, you say, "It was
> different!"
>
> AND You can live in Florida where...
> 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon
> 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
> 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
> 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
> 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

25 comments:

Janice said...

Hi Ann,

Cute, but I didn't understand the last one! 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people. Why are the headless?

Janice~

FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

Just passing by to say hello and thanks for joining the party. Like the color of your blog. Nice meeting you and hope this wouldn't be the last.

ipodmomma said...

hoping some cooler weather heads your way...

one day left with our guest!!! woo-hoo!!!

back is better. osteo worked me over something FIERCE last night...

thinking of you all, sending much love...

Alissa said...

Hey, I DO live in the midwest! Except, I would never, ever, end a sentence with a preposition. My mother would kill me. Really. But I did get stuck behind a Spray-Coupe on the way to work this morning and never could get far enough up in line to be able to pass...

Sp00kalot said...

THIS WAS BRILLIANT!! Did you come up with all those??? I LOVE THEM. I'm going to print them out and show my coworkers for some kicks. Do Pennsylvania! Do Pennsylvania! I'm dying to know how we are! Then do New Jersey... That should be REALLY easy.

kuri & ping said...

Love NY!!! And, they're all true. :)

Merle said...

Hello Ann ~~ Sorry you are still feeling the heat. Your post ended up
quite good with the jokes etc.
Take care, Merle.

Jacqui said...

Hi Ann, loved the definitions, it's amazing how different people are in the different states, just travelling in some of them you notice things.
I am enjoying our cold weather, wish I could send you some, the heat is so debilitating, hope it soon eases up,
hugs jacqui

Lavender Dawn said...

the midwest one was perfect. "Are you coming with?" i live in texas now. that one could be better.

montchan said...

ha! NY and Midwest are perfect! dunno about the rest of them.

This would be Sweden:
1. 75% of your salary goes to taxes.
2. A 25 % sales tax on just about everything is no big deal.
3. You don't find it strange that they add tax on top of the taxes.
4.You think it is normal EVERYTHING is regulated and you obey the rules voluntarily.
5. All winter you dream of what you will do in summer, and summer is the warmest day of the year.
6. You start to think that smoking is really not that bad, even for 13 year olds.
7. Americans start to look entertaining, witty and fun.

Sue said...

We have cooled down nicely. I sending some cool breezes your way. (hope you get them!)
Loved the state definitions. That CA one is right on!!!
(Never lived anywhere else, so can't speak to them)

The Mama said...

This is great. The Colorado comments are so perfect, especially the one about a kid named Granola!! Made me laugh out-loud!

Arwen said...

I had never seen that one. Very funny. Thanks for cheering me up.

Ava said...

Hi Ann!

Enjoyed the post ... very funny!!!!

Have a great day!

Gina said...

Well, the Mercedes one says it's "rented" so it seems to be implying that you will do anything to impress people with your car, even if you can't really afford it. And then that you will drive it to your block party to show everyone, even though block party implies that you live within walking distance!

Which is oh so true.

jw said...

Ann, the Retirement Options list is great. From my VAST experience the statements are so true (and funny).
Janice, headless people are the short old folks whose heads don't reach above the steering wheel.

PEA said...

Lol loved it...I had gotten one about "You know you're living in Canada when..." but I can't find the darn thing now! I've never lived in the States but I've heard many different things and those definitions certainly seem to go with what I have heard! lol Really hoping the temps cool down for you soon!

J said...

Very cute. :) I'm glad to say that my daughter has known how to eat an artichoke for years now, and yes, it's because we're Californian.

It's much cooler here in Contra Costa....maybe mid 80s toady, which is SO much better than the 104 we had over the weekend. Does Merced feel any of the cool off?

Erin said...

Thanks for the humor. I so agree with Maine and New York!
:-)

Autumn said...

Sounds like you have been staying busy as usual.

mreddie said...

My daughter is to move to Texas in about two weeks and she will let me know if those items are true about that state. ec

smiley said...

Hi,

That's pretty interesting, I haven't lived in US to really know about these though :0)

Hope everything is fine with you

mo-wo said...

Oh I love this list.. but then again I am a really smug Canadian!

oshee said...

I love these lists!

Andie D. said...

Egads is that ever accurate about Phoenix!