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Sunday, December 03, 2006

Carol

I wasn't going to update here until tomorrow but after my hopeful post of this afternoon I've been getting comments and emails which are becoming harder to answer. I don't think I can keep writing the same thing over and over and I hated the idea of pasting the same message into emails even more. I was faced with a choice of ignoring email and comments or dissembling. I'm not good at doing either one.

Hence this post.

Keep in mind that is premature and her condition may not be as bad as what I fear. I'll know more tomorrow or the next day but right now none of the news is good.

Carol called from the hospital a little after six. The girls' mom had taken them for a walk and had the phone with her. Rochelle answered. All she could manage to tell me as she came racing home with her mom and the other girls in tears right behind her was that Carol had called, she was crying, and she wanted me to come over right away. Rochelle thought she was dying and said so, over and over.

I located my grandson and we both went.

Here's part of what I wrote to one of my online friends who emailed me shortly after I arrived back home.

"I just got back from the hospital. Bottom line - no one has completely given up hope but the first surgeon (who performed her earlier surgery) doesn't think it's operable. They're bringing in an oncologist for a
second opinion and to "stage" the cancer which has indeed come back.

The nurse said if the oncologist thinks anything can be done, they
will try with another surgeon. If not, we'll start talking about end stage pain
management, hospice, etc.

By the time I got over there with her son (the girls' dad), she was
calmer. She's talking about hope which is a good thing. She
needs something to hang onto."


Right now she has a serious intestinal blockage along with some infection. With the blockage she won't be able to eat and if she can't eat she'll starve. That, of course, is the worst case scenario.

Since nothing could be worse than what Rochelle was already imagining and because I don't believe in lying to children old enough to understand, I spent quite a while tonight talking to them. If the worst happens, they need time to prepare. I told them that nothing was certain and that there is always hope. That doctors aren't always right and we needed to wait and see.

I didn't tell them everything would be fine. I don't know that and they'd never believe me again. As I said earlier, I don't dissemble well. They'd know if I never said a word. I must be strong enough for them right now and that means answering questions as honestly as I can.

I've talked to Tim too and I'll send a copy of this to Jim. He's working a night shift right now.

The nurse promised she'd call as soon as the doctor arrived tomorrow so I could be there to talk to him. Until then there's not much I can do except to put one foot in front of the next.

Thanks to all of you for the support and love for someone most of you have never met.

32 comments:

Puss-in-Boots said...

Oh Ann, your post had me tearful. My prayers are with you and Carol, as always. Hopefully, things are not as bad.

A big hug to you and Ray.

Alice said...

Keep hoping. Mecal knowledge and skill is so far advanced now - they're able to deal with a treat so many things that appear hopeless, and as you said; it might not be as bad as first thought, and doctors are not always right anyway.

Oh God...I feel so useless over here, miles away unable to do anything but pray. But I am praying, for you, for Carol, for the whole family. I asked my mother and she has included you all in her prayers as well, so that's something, all be it small.

I didn't get a chance to go online at the weekend because we didn't hit the library after all, but I'm at work now and here till about 1:30pm, then after my lunchbreak (I have to nip into town) I'm here till 5:30. I will be online and available if you need or want to talk, and I shall ring you tonight anyway. If you're unable to answer for whatever reason, I'll simply leave a message.

*hugs*

xxx

Margaret said...

Dear Ann, i have no words that really explain how sorry I am, all you can do is try to keep those positive thoughts going. Praying for you all and god Bless you all Margaret.

PI said...

I can only add my prayers to those of your friends. I am sure you are right to be honest with the children. You are their rock. oxo

Alissa said...

I can't imagine being in your shoes.

Please know that Carol and you and all of your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers until you find some resolution.

And kudos to you for being honest with the girls. So many parents wouldn't be, and it makes it so much harder later on.

JunieRose said...

Dear Ann,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Love,

Junie

granny p said...

Ann - I've been out of it all, and only just picked up your bad news. I'm so sorry. In my cancer-ridden family I know the weight of all this; I feel for you. Love to all of you - and I can't wish you hope, yet I do.

JBlue said...

Ann, you absolutely did the right thing by being GENTLY honest with your girls. I remember when I was a kid, sometimes what you imagined was worse than the truth. And silence makes you feel like YOU did something wrong. I think it's better to answer honestly and remind them that there is always hope, just as you did.

I am hoping for the best for Carol and all of you. My heart goes out to you, Ann. I wish there were some way I could help you.

Kendra Lynn said...

there is ALWAYS hope...still ;praying.

Kendra

Gawdessness said...

Hard, hard, hard.
I haven't wanted to ask...
Love and hugs to all of you and prayers too.

Jenorama said...

Oh Ann. This is such sad news! I cannot believe what you have had to bear. And the girls. And Carol. I am so dreadfully sorry.

((Hugs))

stefanierj said...

I'm sorry, too. But I am praying, and that's always a sign of hope. You and your wonderful family are all nestled in the palm of God's hand, even if it doesn't feel that way. Lots of love and hugs to you, sweetie.

Gina said...

This must be so hard on all of you. I'm guessing your "eternal summer" is having a hard time staying right now, and I hope the prognosis gets better.

LoisLane said...

Continued hugs and prayers!

Sue said...

Dear Ann,
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Where there is life, there is indeed hope. Hang on to that and be comforted by the friends who surround you at this time.
(((hugs)))

EmmaSometimes said...

thinking of you Gran! Praying too! ((HUGS)) to you and yours.

Ann said...

I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

The Mama said...

Our family will be praying for yours too. Sorry the news isn't better.

Alice

Andrea said...

Oh Granny!! I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. I have been there at this time of year four years ago and I know that there is nothing I can really say to you other than that I am thinking and praying (in my way) for Carol, you and your family. Being honest to the girls, is, in my opinion, the most loving thing that you can do for them and yourself.
Hugs and I love you!!

Marty said...

Stopped by Is America Burning and read WA's post. So sorry to hear about this. Your family is in my prayers. (Hugs)

Anvilcloud said...

Life is so hard sometimes and seemingly very unfair. This is so hard for all of you. I can't even begin to really imagine what you must be going through. I do think that the kids are so lucky to have a wise and compassionate person such as you to guide them, however.

Janice said...

Hi Ann,

I'm sorry but this is really hard, my dad died of colon cancer too. It brakes my heart to hear of what your daughter is going through, and I hope that there is still hope. Hang in there my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Janice~

Atasha said...

I don't know what to say. This is just so sad. More prayers and well wishes coming your way.

Take Care & Be strong

Merle said...

Dear Ann ~~ I am way behind in reading,
but I am so very sorry to hear that Carol is so ill and hope and pray that she will come through this ordeal. Good
on you being truthful with the girls.
I would expect nothing less of you as you are such a wise lady. Stay strong
dear friend, my thoughts and prayers are with you all. Love, Merle.

Merle said...

Dear Ann ~~ I am way behind in reading,
but I am so very sorry to hear that Carol is so ill and hope and pray that she will come through this ordeal. Good
on you being truthful with the girls.
I would expect nothing less of you as you are such a wise lady. Stay strong
dear friend, my thoughts and prayers are with you all. Love, Merle.

thordora said...

I'm sorry you need to handle this. You've already done so much for the people around you.

hang in there.

Ava said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Carol and what she is going through. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

clairesgarden said...

love and blessings.

Jo said...

Oh Ann,I am at loss for words. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

PEA said...

Dear Ann...my heart goes out to you, this is indeed a very hard time you are all going through. I'm glad you're not hiding anything or sugar coating everything to the girls...I've always believed in telling children the truth if they're old enough to understand. You are all in my thoughts and prayers...big hugs sent your way xox

Beth Fish said...

Ann, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. We are keeping a good thought for Carol and for all of you and hoping there will be good news at the end of all this.

Tammy said...

Ya'll are in my prayers!!
(((hugs)))