Carol

I wasn't going to update here until tomorrow but after my hopeful post of this afternoon I've been getting comments and emails which are becoming harder to answer. I don't think I can keep writing the same thing over and over and I hated the idea of pasting the same message into emails even more. I was faced with a choice of ignoring email and comments or dissembling. I'm not good at doing either one.

Hence this post.

Keep in mind that is premature and her condition may not be as bad as what I fear. I'll know more tomorrow or the next day but right now none of the news is good.

Carol called from the hospital a little after six. The girls' mom had taken them for a walk and had the phone with her. Rochelle answered. All she could manage to tell me as she came racing home with her mom and the other girls in tears right behind her was that Carol had called, she was crying, and she wanted me to come over right away. Rochelle thought she was dying and said so, over and over.

I located my grandson and we both went.

Here's part of what I wrote to one of my online friends who emailed me shortly after I arrived back home.

"I just got back from the hospital. Bottom line - no one has completely given up hope but the first surgeon (who performed her earlier surgery) doesn't think it's operable. They're bringing in an oncologist for a
second opinion and to "stage" the cancer which has indeed come back.

The nurse said if the oncologist thinks anything can be done, they
will try with another surgeon. If not, we'll start talking about end stage pain
management, hospice, etc.

By the time I got over there with her son (the girls' dad), she was
calmer. She's talking about hope which is a good thing. She
needs something to hang onto."

Right now she has a serious intestinal blockage along with some infection. With the blockage she won't be able to eat and if she can't eat she'll starve. That, of course, is the worst case scenario.

Since nothing could be worse than what Rochelle was already imagining and because I don't believe in lying to children old enough to understand, I spent quite a while tonight talking to them. If the worst happens, they need time to prepare. I told them that nothing was certain and that there is always hope. That doctors aren't always right and we needed to wait and see.

I didn't tell them everything would be fine. I don't know that and they'd never believe me again. As I said earlier, I don't dissemble well. They'd know if I never said a word. I must be strong enough for them right now and that means answering questions as honestly as I can.

I've talked to Tim too and I'll send a copy of this to Jim. He's working a night shift right now.

The nurse promised she'd call as soon as the doctor arrived tomorrow so I could be there to talk to him. Until then there's not much I can do except to put one foot in front of the next.

Thanks to all of you for the support and love for someone most of you have never met.