First, thanks to all for the outpouring of love and support yesterday and today. I've tried to get back to some of you; especially the visitors I don't remember seeing here before.
Tim and I spent quite a while with Carol yesterday. My friend Dawn's husband drove my van for me. I wasn't sure I could do it and since Dawn was here (she usually is on school mornings), she immediately offered.
As much as I could tell, Carol seems to be pain free for the first time in several months. She slept most of the time we were there; woke briefly and said my name, asked for water and drifted off again. I hope that continues for as long as it takes. We don't know how long it will be. She might go on like this for a while or she might not. We wait.
Last night's dinner consisted of the weekly special from the Colonel. Lots of chicken, slaw, mashed potatoes and gravy, and corn on the cob. Tonight I may have a break from cooking *(see below) except for me and Ray.
I've pulled myself together somewhat. When I've been faced with similar situations in the past, I've tried to go on doing what I would have been doing. For me, that meant spending time with Ray and the girls yesterday, doing the big monthly shopping today, and all the other normal stuff. When I couldn't sleep last night, I came back to the computer and began answering comments and emails. Strangely enough, it helped. I think it was being able to "talk" about what was happening with caring friends who have been there. Part of me feels odd to be sitting here writing about the mundane and part of me knows that it's a good outlet and a better way to spend time than brooding in silence.
Still, I find myself weeping unexpectedly and, as I've said before, I'm not one to cry. I no longer fight the tears, even in the middle of Wal-Mart when the recorded music started playing Wind Beneath My Wings. I'm glad I was in a rather quiet section of the store in the early morning.
I've talked to Elcie about her Grandma Carol (she sensed something was wrong just by looking at me) but not so far to the other two. They know how sick Carol is but not that the end may be so close.
Tim said and, after thinking about it I agree, that there is no point in causing more grief before I must. They're only 11 and 12 to Elcie's 14. I won't lie if they ask but so far yesterday and today they haven't.
They're due home from school soon. Elcie will be on the bus to our front door; Rebecca and Rochelle will be walking home until Rebecca's bus suspension is lifted. Of course that means that Rochelle is suspended in effect as well. I won't let Rebecca walk by herself and I can't guarantee in this minute to minute existence that I'll be available in the afternoon to drive them.
On a little brighter note, Ray continues to do well and our weather is lovely, if a little warm. *The girls are invited to a church social (not my church but who cares) tonight. Should be fun for them. They've been swimming in a neighbor's small pool and are beginning to lather on the sunscreen and bask.
Elcie has learned to do her own hair. My aching arms feel better already.
Once again, thanks to everyone. Much love to all and take care.