Carol 1 - Pictures

Merle asked me if I had any pictures of Carol. She has always been as camera shy as I but I managed to find a few from happier times. I have some more recent but she looked so thin and ill. I'll keep them but I didn't want to post them.

That's Carol with Elcie and Rochelle and Carol with me. I didn't date the snaps but you can tell from looking at the girls that they go back a few years.

I'll be back with another set. For some reason they didn't appear.

My ergo keyboard just went kerflooie. It's typing 'z' for 'e' and freezing up. I have Elcie's regular board and I'm going nuts. The keys seem all cramped together and my fingers are tripping over each other.

Tim says 6 months is the normal life of a keyboard especially with the amount of typing I do. I have a manual portable Royal typewriter which must be at least 55 years old and still going strong. I noticed the painted letters were wearing off but since I don't need them, I didn't worry about it. Elcie was complaining and I told her to learn to type and she woudn't have that problem.

Blogger says the other set is here but I can't see them. I'll try on another post with Picasa.

Be right back.

Carol Kathleen Breeze June 2, 1956 - May 3, 2007

The end came tonight at about 7:30. Tim, Rebecca, Rochelle, their mom, and I were about halfway between home and the facility when they phoned to tell me she had just died.

According to her nurse, it was peaceful. The girls are sad but okay, I just dropped Tim off at home and of course Ray is here with me. Elcie didn't want to go, the other two insisted and they're old enough to decide. I'll tell her in the morning.

I thought about saving this post for morning but sometimes it's better to get the hard things out of the way.

I can never thank you enough for all the prayers and support.

Much love to all

Ann

Update shortly past midnight Saturday morning

I'm blown away by the love and support which has poured in. I've tried to get around to most of you either by email or in your comment boxes but know there are some I've missed and some I'm unable to contact.

My gratitude to all of you. Some of you have said it's difficult to find words. I have the same problem. My words of condolence have always seemed inadequate and awkward to me. Trust me on this; yours are not. It's the feeling behind the words that counts.

I've been blog surfing this evening (beats thinking too much) and realized how many of you have included the death of my daughter in your own posts.. My thanks to you as well.

I'll write more later. We're doing okay, all things considered, and yes, I'm managing a little rest although last night was almost sleepless. I made up for it with a long nap before the girls came home from school. We've taken care of many of the details; tomorrow I'll make one final trip to Turlock, to pick up Carol's personal items (she'd built herself quite a little nest in the time she was there).

Much love to all and take care everyone.

No Change Since Yesterday

First, thanks to all for the outpouring of love and support yesterday and today. I've tried to get back to some of you; especially the visitors I don't remember seeing here before.

Tim and I spent quite a while with Carol yesterday. My friend Dawn's husband drove my van for me. I wasn't sure I could do it and since Dawn was here (she usually is on school mornings), she immediately offered.

As much as I could tell, Carol seems to be pain free for the first time in several months. She slept most of the time we were there; woke briefly and said my name, asked for water and drifted off again. I hope that continues for as long as it takes. We don't know how long it will be. She might go on like this for a while or she might not. We wait.

Last night's dinner consisted of the weekly special from the Colonel. Lots of chicken, slaw, mashed potatoes and gravy, and corn on the cob. Tonight I may have a break from cooking *(see below) except for me and Ray.

I've pulled myself together somewhat. When I've been faced with similar situations in the past, I've tried to go on doing what I would have been doing. For me, that meant spending time with Ray and the girls yesterday, doing the big monthly shopping today, and all the other normal stuff. When I couldn't sleep last night, I came back to the computer and began answering comments and emails. Strangely enough, it helped. I think it was being able to "talk" about what was happening with caring friends who have been there. Part of me feels odd to be sitting here writing about the mundane and part of me knows that it's a good outlet and a better way to spend time than brooding in silence.

Still, I find myself weeping unexpectedly and, as I've said before, I'm not one to cry. I no longer fight the tears, even in the middle of Wal-Mart when the recorded music started playing Wind Beneath My Wings. I'm glad I was in a rather quiet section of the store in the early morning.

I've talked to Elcie about her Grandma Carol (she sensed something was wrong just by looking at me) but not so far to the other two. They know how sick Carol is but not that the end may be so close.

Tim said and, after thinking about it I agree, that there is no point in causing more grief before I must. They're only 11 and 12 to Elcie's 14. I won't lie if they ask but so far yesterday and today they haven't.

They're due home from school soon. Elcie will be on the bus to our front door; Rebecca and Rochelle will be walking home until Rebecca's bus suspension is lifted. Of course that means that Rochelle is suspended in effect as well. I won't let Rebecca walk by herself and I can't guarantee in this minute to minute existence that I'll be available in the afternoon to drive them.

On a little brighter note, Ray continues to do well and our weather is lovely, if a little warm. *The girls are invited to a church social (not my church but who cares) tonight. Should be fun for them. They've been swimming in a neighbor's small pool and are beginning to lather on the sunscreen and bask.

Elcie has learned to do her own hair. My aching arms feel better already.

Once again, thanks to everyone. Much love to all and take care.