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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Funny True Story

My former neighbor moved to San Diego a few years ago and sends me jokes and cute pictures.

This one is presumably a true story from a second grade teacher.

A Second Grade girl's description of pregnancy and childbirth:

Subject: Share and tell.

>> > > The Middle Wife

> > > By an Anonymous

> > > 2nd grade teacher

> > > I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids

> > > myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own

> > > second-grade classroom a few years back.

> > > When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few

> > > sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually,

> > show-

> > > and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes,

> > > pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place

> any

> > > boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school

> and

> > > talk about it, they're welcome.

> > > Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing

> > > kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a

> pillow

> > > stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.

> > > "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his

> > > birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and

> then

> > > Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for

> > nine

> > > months through an umbrella cord."

> > > [She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying

> > > not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are

> watching

> > > her in amazement.]

> > > "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,

> > > oh, oh, oh!' " [Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.] "She

> walked

> > > around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'

> > > [Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.]

> > > "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't

> > > have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie

> down

> > in

> > > bed like this."

> > > [Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.]

> > > "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in

> > > case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed,

> > like

> > > psshhheew!"

> > > [This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming

> > > water flowing away. It was too much!]

> > > "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,

> > > breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then,

all

> of

> > a

> > > sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all

> said

> > > it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside

> > > there."

> > > [Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her

> > > seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's

> > > show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica

> comes along.

15 comments:

Alice said...

Ha!

That is SO cute and hilarious at the same time! I love it!

Looks like you've done another post underneath this one I haven;t read yet so I'll scroll down, but I had to say how brilliant that was first.

I bet it IS a true story. It just sounds like one of those so-fantastic-it-has-to-be-true things.

;-)

Mary P. said...

I used to teach prenatal classes, and I also did sibling preparation classes, for the kids who were going to be present at the birth. This may be apocryphal, but it rings true. I can see a seven-year-old who'd been well prepared, and was thrilled by the experience, doing and saying something like this!

Tammy said...

Kids say the darndest things don't they??
Grandson is in t-ball this spring and I am hoping to see at least one game...they are always good for a laugh as long as the darn parents don't take it too seriously.
Have a great day!
:-D

ipodmomma said...

very cute!!!

madcapmum said...

Dee-lightful! It gave me a good laugh. That's the sort of stories my kids were telling each other (and everyone) else not too long ago.

JunieRose2005 said...

I LOVED this story!

Junie

kuri & ping said...

OMG, that is the funniest thing I've ever heard!!!!

mreddie said...

Someone had emailed that one to me but it is always amazing the things kids say and how they explain the events of life. My 4-year-old grandson is just now getting into that sort of thing and he is hilarious. Hope it has cooled off for you folks by now. ec

Turtle Guy said...

I might just have to share this with my sister... i come from a long line of teachers, and although she didn't take it up, she does have 3 kids...

Jo said...

As a retired middle wife I think this story is wonderful. More than one of the kids in a house have asked me if I had the baby in my midwives bag, so I could certainly see that. In fact my two daughters and our neighbor child would play midwife and give birth to stuffed animals. Quite cute, we thought.

Janice said...

Hi Ann,

That is so darling, a little girl mimming her mom's child birth. It's always different seen through their inocent eyes.

Janice~

Merle said...

Hi Ann ~~ This is hilarious ~ A great
story out of the mouths of babes.Thanks
for sharing that with us. I hope yu and family are all well and t is not TOO hot. Take care, Merle.

Jacqui said...

Great story Ann, hope it does cooldown for you soon.
Here in Bridgetown we always have cool evenings and can sleep, it's one of the reasons I chose to live here.
hugs jacqui

kittenpie said...

That is hilarious! And has enough detail that I'd wonder if she might have been present?

JBlue said...

Funny. The kid has talent.