Mother's Day 2007

This Mother's Day almost snuck up on me in the midst of our grief combined with everything that goes along with saying goodbye to a loved one.

Carol's memorial service was yesterday afternoon. It was beautiful; a combination of tears and smiles as so many are.

Her church friends outdid themselves. Their Bishop and the home teachers led the service and kept it as upbeat and affirming as any memorial can be.

I'd asked for one song, probably the best known in the Latter Day Saints hymnal and one that gives me chills (the good kind) and sometimes tears whenever I hear it. My Mormon readers will know "Come, Come Ye Saints". It tells the story of their pilgrimage to Utah and speaks to the triumph of the spirit over what seems to be overwhelming adversity. Each of the four verses ends with "All Is Well, All Is Well". It's always spoken to me of hope and courage. I couldn't sing for my tears but listening was enough.

Tim (my youngest son), Tasha (girls' mom) and I represented three generations of the family and each managed to say a few words about Carol. My girls (fifth generation counting my adoptive mom still going strong at almost 95 back in Albany, NY) were all there, sitting with family and friends. It was their first experience with the death of someone very close. They did well although I know how hard it was for them.

I remembered much about Carol at her best. Happy and full of enthusiasm and energy. She did so much for the girls that I couldn't. She taught them how to ride bikes, roller skate, dance. She took them to the park and not only pushed the swings, she swang (swang?) right along with them and provided the counterbalance on the see-saw. She slid down the slides. She took them swimming and splashed alongside them in our little pool each summer. We had sing-a-longs around my old, battered, piano. She was much better at reading aloud than I (I kept dozing off) and read to them almost every night; even after she became ill and they were older. She always kept the wonder and imagination of a child. Her granddaughters will miss her more than they realize now.

Update: I'd forgotten until I was just now reading Mamaloo's post about the frustration of finding a good hair salon. Carol cut all of our hair until she wasn't well enough to continue. It's taken us 3 tries to find one that matches her talent.

Somehow I managed, I hope, to convey her spirit and delight in life.

The women of the Relief Society prepared a wonderful luncheon for us after the service. I took some pictures of all of us, even Ray. Maybe I'll post them later. Haven't decided yet.

The photo at the top is my Mother's Day tribute to my beloved daughter. Her two boys and my two youngest sons are very close to the same age. It isn't dated but 1982 or '83 sounds about right looking at their ages. We were all in San Francisco then, Jim must have been in about his first year of high school. I'd searched through my albums for it; Tim found it in his and held it in his hand all through the service.

From left to right,

first row:
Carol's youngest son Jackie, now 30

second row:

My Tim, now 34, and Carol's older son (girls' dad) Wesley, now 32

third row:

Jim's best friend Robbie who lived with us through most of the high school years (long story)
Carol in her mid twenties
My older son Jim, who will be 39 next month and is serving in the California Nat'l Guard on the Mexican border. He couldn't make it but will be home this weekend for his youngest son's first birthday and Mother's Day. His wife is expecting another child late this year which will bring them up to 8 kids and one grandchild between them.

For my tribute to my two mothers, see here
and here. I wrote them in May of last year so most of you may have already seen them.

Again, thanks to all of you who have commented, emailed, sent cards, flowers, etc., and done so much to make these last few weeks a little more bearable. If I missed replying to any of you, please include yourselves here.

Take care and have a good Mother's Day everyone.

Much love

Ann

P. S.

Congratulations to Diane, a first time Grandmother. Mom and little girl doing well after a precarious start. I know she and her family back in Arkansas would appreciate your good wishes.

Diane and I became acquainted when I saw one of her comments on another blog. I checked her out, saw Bay, AR, and left a comment of my own saying something like I bet I was her first visitor (other than people who know her in real life) who knew exactly where Bay, AR is. I lived five miles down the road for 8 years. Small word, the internet.

Carol 2 - Pictures (more below)

A couple of photos of Carol with the girls when they were very little (with friend Heather) and Carol with her son, Wesley (girls' dad). Carol is the laughing one and it's a wonderful picture.

The local paper finally ran the death notice today. They no longer run the full obits unless the family pays for them. This is it - doesn't say much, does it?

Carol Kathleen Breeze

June 2, 1956 ~ May 3, 2007

<	A Memorial service will be held Thursday, May 10, 2007 at 12:00 p.m. at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, 2976 North McKee Road in Merced.
	Burial will be private per the family's request. Contributions may be made to Stratford Evans Merced Funeral Home, 1490 B Street, Merced California 95340.

It's cremation, not burial. Maybe sometime Tim and I will take her ashes back to our beloved San Francisco.

Carol is a convert to the LDS (Mormons) as are her son and Ray. The funeral director at Stratford-Evans (I picked them at random) turned out to be an old friend and member of her church which helped. I thought the county might have to do it since I sure didn't have the money up front. I guess that's why he put that line in about contributions because when I told him about our finances, he didn't seem worried. I'll figure it all eventually. Meantime, I was fairly sure I was following her wishes with the Mormon service. It's the last thing I can do for her.

Tomorrow was the first day that made sense for the service. The girls will be finished with testing and it's Tim's regular day off.

Strange how things happen. Ray and I both have enough insurance to cover final expenses but I never thought about Carol. Once I did, she was sick and not eligible. We'll work it out somehow.

Meantime, being the caring people they are, they've visited, helped me plan the service since I knew very little about their customs, brought cookies on Sunday, and dinner on Tuesday. They visited Carol all through her illness, even after she was moved out of the city.

I agreed to speak. I'm sure I can do it - just won't know what to say until I'm standing there. I've been thinking how much Carol did with the girls when she was well. The skating and bicycle rides, the long walks around town, all the stuff that younger parents do that are beyond me. I will focus on her wonderful qualities - there were many.

We're doing okay. I was exhausted and not sleeping at night for the first few days and going back to bed in the daytime after the kids were either in school or with friends. Ray pitched in and did almost everything around here. I slept last night and stayed awake today so the worst may be past. Yesterday was the first day I hadn't felt sick from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. Combination of grief and stress, I suppose. Once we have the service tomorrow behind us, maybe I can take two steps forward and only one back.

My friend Janet took me to lunch and then coffee yesterday. We hadn't seen each other for a while. Today Ray and I took Elcie for wheelchair repairs and to order her new bright red electric scooter. We hope it will be here by the time she starts high school. I'll probably need a lift for the van because I'm sure we won't be able to lift it. And we'll put the ramp down at the front door. We didn't need it with the lightweight manual chair.

The girls are at my friend's house having their hair done. We had chicken sandwiches for dinner. Maybe by Friday, I'll feel like cooking once again. Fortunately, Ray enjoys cooking so he took over there as well. I keep telling him not to wear himself out but so far he hasn't complained. (Spoke too soon - here they are).

Once again, thank you for all the loving comments and emails.

Carol 1 - Pictures

Merle asked me if I had any pictures of Carol. She has always been as camera shy as I but I managed to find a few from happier times. I have some more recent but she looked so thin and ill. I'll keep them but I didn't want to post them.

That's Carol with Elcie and Rochelle and Carol with me. I didn't date the snaps but you can tell from looking at the girls that they go back a few years.

I'll be back with another set. For some reason they didn't appear.

My ergo keyboard just went kerflooie. It's typing 'z' for 'e' and freezing up. I have Elcie's regular board and I'm going nuts. The keys seem all cramped together and my fingers are tripping over each other.

Tim says 6 months is the normal life of a keyboard especially with the amount of typing I do. I have a manual portable Royal typewriter which must be at least 55 years old and still going strong. I noticed the painted letters were wearing off but since I don't need them, I didn't worry about it. Elcie was complaining and I told her to learn to type and she woudn't have that problem.

Blogger says the other set is here but I can't see them. I'll try on another post with Picasa.

Be right back.

It Doesn't Matter How Elcie's Hair Starts Out

This is what it looks like at the end of the day.

Remember my missing camera? The straw that almost broke the camel's back around here?

The picture was taken with it about 20 minutes ago.

I'll never know exactly what happened but somehow it was traced by my friendly neighborhood detective squad (kids) back to a guy who paid $20 for it. We went over, discovered he was more inexperienced than dishonest, gave him the $20 and took my camera home.

He had no idea what he bought. Pushed a button, took a couple of pictures, and then couldn't figure out what to do with them. They were still on the camera. I told him owning a computer and the software would have been helpful; otherwise, it was next to useless for him.

Considering everything that's going on, the missing camera shouldn't have bothered me so much but it did. I'm terrible at remembering to develop film, I'm no great shakes at photography, and it was perfect for what I wanted to do which was to take pictures and see them immediately. I didn't even mind buying my own camera back. If the guy thinks I'm a sucker, he might be right but I don't care. A new one would have cost at least 6 times that with the memory card and lithium battery.

Anyhow, that's Elcie of course with her laptop (provided by the school district). She just finished copying her Language Arts homework to the computer using the voice recognition software. She has it down pat. She'd already written it out and just wanted the practice.

I think we're almost all over whatever the latest bug was that's making the rounds. Still some sniffles but we can live with that. We still don't have the heavy rain we expected; just drizzles from time to time. The girls are back on the bus; at least until the weather decides what it wants to do. Two miles in a downpour (with colds) is a little much.

Tim and I went to lunch at the best Italian restaurant in town. It's the only Italian restaurant in town as a matter of fact. Very good. Then I took him apartment hunting. He's been living with Jim and family. It now looks like Jim's National Guard service on the border will go on for some time so Melissa and gang will probably be moving to Yuma in July. Tim's getting an early start on checking out available places.

And not much else going on.

A couple of people had problems commenting unless they went with "anonymous". I emailed a friend and here's what she said:

In the new Blogger under Settings/Comments you can answer the question "Who Can Comment?" in three ways:

Anyone -- This allows commentors to choose their Google identity, an "other" identity, or "Annonymous". This option should tell you how you are signed in.

Only Registered Users -- which requires people to have a Google account even if they don't have a blog. You will notice that if you click on some people's names you go to a profile that says nothing about them)

Members of This Blog -- This is an option would be far less confusing if it said "other authors of this blog."

I can't find an option that prevents anonymous comments and still allows people comment without a Google account. Maybe some of your other readers know.

I'm set up for "anonymous" here but still it would be nice to know who you are. If the above doesn't help, let me know or maybe some of our other visitors can chime in.

Take care everyone.